When it comes to wedding etiquette, the jury is still out on the kindest and most considerate way for the bride or groom to tell someone they will not be in the wedding party as well as for a bridesmaid or groomsman to politely say “no” when asked to be in a wedding.  It can be a very touchy subject and one that we hear about all the time.  So, I thought I would offer some words of encouragement for those that might be facing this situation. 

First and foremost, for all the brides and grooms out there….even though you may have many friends and family that would be honored to be part of your wedding, it really is OK to not ask someone to be in the wedding!  Maybe the person is struggling financially and you don’t want to burden them with the cost of the gown or tux.  Maybe your wedding party is getting really large and you want to keep it small & simple.  Maybe your family expects you to ask a person to be in the wedding, but you just don’t feel like they are someone you want to be standing up for you on this special day.  Whatever the reason is, being honest and up front with that person, and/or your family, is really the best route to take.  Your friend or family member might even be relieved that you were considerate of their feelings and/or situation and kept them from being in an awkward position. 

If you are still on the fence about having someone in the wedding party, you could also ask them to play a different role in the event.  A wedding can always use an usher or two, someone to cut the cake, someone to offer readings, play songs or sing and certainly someone to be responsible for making sure the gifts are collected and taken to a secure place at the end of the night.  It takes a village to make sure that a wedding goes off without a hitch, so it is easy to find ways to have your loved ones involved without having 15 bridesmaids.

For the prospective bridesmaids and groomsmen….just as it is OK for the bride and groom to not ask, it is equally OK for you to politely say “no” when you are asked to be in a wedding.  Whatever your reason may be, you can simply thank them and tell them you are honored by their request, but explain your reasoning for politely refusing.  In the end, they will appreciate your honesty!!! 

A wedding should be a time of celebration and joy!  Try not to let other people’s expectations be a factor when you are choosing your wedding party!   

Happy Wedding Planning,
Oneida