This week I encountered a bride who was facing a bridesmaid mutiny. All of the bridesmaids do not like the bridesmaid gown that was chosen and purchased for the wedding. One of the bridesmaids is even refusing to be in the wedding if she has to wear the dress. Whaaaat? Seriously, this day is about the bride (and the groom).
I myself have paid way too much money for a bridesmaid dress picked out by the bride. From the first moment I saw the photo of the dress, I didn’t like it. I wouldn’t have picked it for my wedding and I would never have chosen the style for my body type or fashion sense. And what did I do about it? I did what any good bridesmaid should do:
- When she chose the gown and told me she loved it, I said “were should I buy it?”
- When she told me it cost over $200 (eight years ago) and was a (very unflattering) shade of light green, I said “I can’t wait to see how beautiful the dress will look with the flowers.”
- When I received the gown and the need for alterations was obvious, I told her it would be ready for the wedding.
- When she turned into a crazy stressed out shell of the women I knew, I did everything in my power to alleviate her stress and help her have the wedding of her dreams.
My point is that it wasn’t about me. It was the bride’s day and it was my job to be a loving and supportive friend and bridesmaid. Not ever would I have considered telling her the dress was not my favorite and even worse threaten to not be in the wedding. I would have worn a burlap sack if she would have asked! As I see it, when asked to be in a wedding you have two choices - decline or accept and vow to be supportive.
Jeri
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When I got married last year, the husband of one of my bridesmaids called me up and chewed me out for planning my wedding on the same WEEK as her birthday. My bridesmaid didn’t have a problem with it, but he was all bent out of shape. He actually used the phrase “What about me!?!” (He should have been saying, what about her, but that reveals whom he was concerned about) He accused me of lying, of plotting with my other bridesmaids to ruin her birthday (HIS plans for her birthday, of which I had no knowledge of), and sent me nasty emails. I almost uninvited him to the wedding, but I knew that it would hurt my friend, so I eventually talked it out with him and worked it out. I’m not sure how he rationalized accusing me of neglecting HIS feelings while planning MY wedding, but he did. This is a man I would talk to, maybe twice a year. He was WAY more drama than most of my future in-laws!
And this was for a friend who I was Maid of Honor in her wedding a few years back, and I planned and hosted her bachelorette party and personal shower during a time where I wasn’t dating anyone (so seeing her so googly-eyed in love was really sickening at the time, but I sucked it up, because hey, it was her WEDDING!).
Honestly, the getting married part was easy after dealing with all the crazy friend and family issues.
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